The deteriorating and neglected household objects in my parent’s home are painful reminders for my father and me that my mother is no longer with us; they are manifestations of our grief. It is these domestic objects that my mother would use to carry out her daily household chores that we now cherish most of all as they embody her spirit and her love for the family. The ink drawings of these banal objects rekindle past experiences and memories of her activities, but they also speak of how her death has affected my family. The choice of ink in black and white is intended to convey anxiety and anguish which express the phase of our grieving that is best described by Bowlby as ‘Yearning and Searching’.
Depicts my mother’s kitchen. Once tidy and spotlessly clean, in the aftermath of my mother’s death, it became messy, dirty, and unused. The work speaks its absent mistress and of what will never be the same again. It’s neglect and state of disarray also represents the state of being of those that are left behind.
60 X 80 cm (2 pieces) Acrylic Ink on Canvas
Depicts the dining room in my parent’s home. This was the place where my family gathered for meals that my mother would caringly prepare for us. No longer will we hear my mother’s calls for us to come for dinner. It has become a random storage area of sorts, devoid of care and love.
60 X 80 cm (2 pieces) Acrylic Ink on Canvas
Consist of 5 separate paintings that provide a more intimate view of specific spaces and objects that belong to my mother and the impact of her death on my father. These ‘lost love’ objects include a wardrobe of my mother’s old and new clothes; a shoe rack of her old shoes including ones she wore during her chemotherapy; the untouched pills she used to take daily for her diabetes and high cholesterol; heaps of plastic bags containing items which my mother was reluctant to throw away; and the labeled plastic drawers to remind my forgetful father on where the bed linen and his under garments are kept.
24 x 36 Inch (5 in 1) Acrylic Ink on Canvas
*12 x 12 Inch (2 pieces), 12 x 9 Inch (2 Pieces) and 24 x 15 Inch
I want to use my paintings as a personal account of the grieving and mourning journey that my father and I are going through, offering a mediation on grief based loosely on stages suggested in Bowlby’s model; these paintings have, in a way, become a part of my own healing process. While theories have a place, grief is as unique as the griever and what we are going through may not be the same as others. Both my father and I are laden with guilt that we were not by my mother’s side when she passed away. While it has been more than a year now, it continues to be a painful emotional adjustment for both of us and we are still oscillating between ‘Yearning and Searching’and ‘Disorganisation’. I admittedly have used my studies in LaSalle as a distraction and this has helped me cope. For my father, despite having my brothers, daughter-in-laws and grandchildren physically near him in KL, he has gradually become more withdrawn and morose. The void that has been created by my mother’s unexpected death, his companion for nearly 50 years, has been getting bigger with each passing month. He used to be a lively and gregarious individual, active and social with his hobbies and friends. He now spends more of his time at home by himself, eating and sleeping little and mostly in silent reverie. My weekly phone calls with him are filled with common pleasant exchanges but also silences, his apparent lack of interest in his own life is glaring and a source of great concern and worry to me. There is perhaps his realization that his children, including myself, have now grown apart. By his own admission, life as a widower has been lonely for him and the mourning for my mother has raised the specter of own death.
Oil on Canvas, 60 cm X 50 cm
Oil on Linen, 28 Inch X 36 Inch
Oil on Woodblock, 60 cm X 45 cm
Oil on Linen, 28 Inch X 36 Inch
